Q. How many product managers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Let's get the marketers invovled. I think we can sell this as a feature. Q. How many unit managers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. Two to hold the ladder, and one to screw the light bulb into a faucet. Q. How many district managers does it take to change a light bulb? A. We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as managers can do to make the light bulbs work smarter, not harder. Q. How many PC repair people does it take to change a light bulb? A. PC Repair has received your mail concerning your hardware problem and has assigned your request Service Order Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this case of trouble. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted. Q. How many technical support people does it take to change a light bulb? A. We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Just exactly how dark is it? Ok. There could be four or five things wrong. Have you tried the light switch? Q. How many production editors does it take to change a light bulb? A. I'll have the documentation assistants do it. Q. How many documentation assistants does it take to change a light bulb? A. I can't do anything unless you fill out a light bulb change request form. Q. How many testers does it take to change a light bulb? A. We just find the problems. We don't fix them. Q. How many developers does it take to change a light bulb? A. The light bulb works fine on the system in my office. Q. How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A. That's a hardware problem. Q. How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Tell software to code around it. Q. How many programmer's does it take to change a light bulb? A. Two. One always quits in the middle of a project. Q. How many Windows programmer's does it take to change a light bulb? A. 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle... Q. How many programmer's does it take to change a light bulb? A. I think that's a device driver problem. Q. How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A. You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send it a bulb change message. Q. How many secretaries does it take to change a light bulb? A. One. Q. How many AI people does it take to change a lightbulb? A. At least 55: The problem space group (5): One to define the goal state. One to define the operators. One to describe the universal problem solver. One to hack the production system. One to indicate about how it is a model of human lightbulb changing behaviour. The logical formalism group (16): One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in first order logic. One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in second order logic. One to show the adequacy of FOL. One to show the inadequacy of FOL. One to show that lightbulb logic is non-monotonic. One to show that it isn't non-monotonic. One to show how non-monotonic logic is incorporated in FOL. One to determine the bindings for the variables. One to show the completeness of the solution. One to show the consistency of the solution. One to show that the two just above are incoherent. One to hack a theorem prover for lightbulb resolution. One to suggest a parallel theory of lightbulb logic theorem proving. One to show that the parallel theory isn't complete. ...ad infinitum (or absurdum, as you will). ... One to indicate how it is a description of human lightbulb changing behaviour. One to call the electrician. The robotics group (10): One to build a vision system to recognize the dead bulb. One to build a vision system to locate a new bulb. One to figure out how to grasp the lightbulb without breaking it. One to figure out how to make a universal joint that will permit the hand to rotate 360+ degrees. One to figure out how to make the universal joint go the other way. One to figure out the arm solutions that will get the arm to the socket. One to organize the construction teams. One to hack the planning system. One to get Westinghouse to sponsor the research. One to indicate about how the robot mimics human motor behaviour in lightbulb changing. The knowledge engineering group (6): One to study electricians' changing lightbulbs. One to arrange for the purchase of the lisp machines. One to assure the customer that this is a hard problem and that great accomplishments in theory will come from his support of this effort. (The same one can arrange for the fleecing.) One to study related research. One to indicate about how it is a description of human lightbulb changing behaviour. One to call the lisp hackers. The Lisp hackers (13): One to bring up the chaos net. One to adjust the microcode to properly reflect the group's political beliefs. One to fix the compiler. One to make incompatible changes to the primitives. One to provide the Coke. One to rehack the Lisp editor/debugger. One to rehack the window package. Another to fix the compiler. One to convert code to the non-upward compatible Lisp dialect. Another to rehack the window package properly. One to flame on BUG-LISPM. Another to fix the microcode. One to write the fifteen lines of code required to change the lightbulb. The Psychological group (5): One to build an apparatus which will time lightbulb changing performance. One to gather and run subjects. One to mathematically model the behaviour. One to call the expert systems group. One to adjust the resulting system, so that it drops the right number of bulbs. Q> How many windows programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, One to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, One to write WinGetLightBulbSwitchHandle ... Q> How many managers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> We've formed a task force to study the problem of why lightbulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make bulbs work smarter, not harder. Q> How many IUS folks does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> IUS has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request ticket number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted. Q> How many tech support folks does is take to change a lightbulb ? A> We have an exact copy of the lightbulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have ? OK. Now, exactly how dark is it ? OK. There could be four of five things wrong ... Have you tried the light switch ? Q> How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A> Three: two to hold the ladder a one to screw the bulb into a faucet. [along the same lines] Q> How many DEC field service folks does it take to change a tire ? A> Two: one to jack up the car and one to swap tires until they find the flat one. [ok, back to lightbulbs] Q> How many Microsoft VP's does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> Eight: one to work the lightbulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2.00 for every lightbulb changed around the world. Q> How many product testers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> We just noticed the room was dark; we dont actually fix the problems. Q> How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> The bulb works fine on the system in my office. Q> How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb ? A> We can change a lightbulb in 7-10 working days; if you call the night before 2PM and pay an extra $15.00 we can get the bulb changed overnite. Don't forget to put your name in the upper right hand corner of the light bulb box. Q> How long does it take DEC repairman to change a lightbulb ? A> It depends on how many burnt-out bulbs he brought with him. Q> How many windows users does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> One, but he'll swear up and down that it was just as easy for him as it would be for a Mac user. Q> How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A> None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness (tm) as the new industry standard. Q. How many Pentium Engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?? A. 1.99904274017, but that is close enough for non-technical people. Q. What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A. A mad scientist. Q. What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on the Pentiums? A. The warning label. Q. What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A. Successive approximations. Q. Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A. Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605. Q: How many electrical engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: "We'll fix it in software." Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: "We'll document it in the manual." Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: "The user can work it out." Q: How many Internetters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 435,235 1 to change the bulb 4 to tell him he should have done it differently 365 to point out spelling and grammar errors in first 5 posts 1,834 to flame the spelling/grammar checkers 4,598 to correct spelling in spelling flames 6,785 to say please move to alt.spelling.lite.bulb 15,467 to say stop cross posting to soc.women and alt.rape.all.men.are.scum, alt.adoption, and s.a.a.(m) 23,456 to endlessly debate which method is superior 236,789 to concatenate all articles to date, then quote them, only to say, "Me Too" 106,345 to quote the "Me Toos" to say, "Me Three" 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup 89,345 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here 10,584 votes for alt.lite.bulb