WHAT DRIVING TO THE STORE WOULD BE LIKE IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN YOUR CAR

MS-DOS:
  You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.

Windows:
  You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because
  attached to the back of the car is a freight train.

Windows/NT: You get in the car, which looks really fast.  If your friends
  try to get in the car the car blows up, this will be fixed Very Soon Now
  (tm).  Once you manage to get your car out of your driveway, it can't go
  anywhere.

Macintosh System 7:
  You get in the car to go to the store, and the car drives you to church
  at 8 miles an hour.  On the way, the brakes refuse to work because of a
  "type 1 error".  You try typing "1" but nothing happens.  Oh by the way,
  your gas may not work with the current release.

UNIX SysV:
  You get in the car and type "grep store".  After reaching speeds
  of 200 miles per hour en route, you arrive at the barber shop.

UNIX BSD: You get in the car, whereupon AT+T slaps you with a lawsuit,
  and you get to sit in your garage for a year or two.

AFS UNIX:  You get in the car, and are able to look at everyone else's
  dashboard in the universe.  You can't touch their controls though.  You
  try to drive somewhere and your car has to get gas from mit first.  When
  you finally get going your car tries to get to the store without using
  highways because your makefile can't understand distributed volumes.
  Halfway there you stop cold and have to wait in traffic while the file
  servers clean up their callbacks.  Meanwhile, people keep walking in to
  your car and looking around.  On the plus side, you only need one car
  and all your friends can use it at the same time.

HP 48sx: You get on a tricicle, and use lambda calculus to teleport
  yourself to the store.  None of your friends can understand how the hell
  you did this, but it doesn't matter, because who actually got to the
  store, right?

Unixware: You pay through the nose for your car, which only takes super
  unleaded premium gas.  Then the chauffeur lets you in the car, which
  takes you to the store at speeds in excess of 200 miles per hour.

Linux:  You start to get in the car, but the door is being replaced.
  After waiting for that, you sit down, and wait for the key to be
  implemented.  You turn the key, and the car starts up.  Then someone
  goes and replaces all the fuel linkages.  Now you have to get back out
  of the car, so it doesn't blow up.  Not that blowing up is a problem,
  because you're never in the car long enough to actually get anywhere.

A/UX: You get in the car but it only takes leaded gas.  As SysV above,
  it takes you to the barber shop instead of the store, but as Sys7 above,
  it won't go faster than 8 mph.

A/IX: You get in the car and your seat never fits you.  It never will,
  so don't worry about replacing it.  The steering wheel only turns left.

Mach:  The car is really really fast, unless you're trying to corner, in
  which case it's really really slow.  You can pick any body and
  suspension you want, but none of them are useful except the one that you
  have to have a truck to be allowed to use.

NeXTMach: As Mach above, but you're not allowed any choices.  You can go
  just about anywhere you want, but you'd better be prepared to find it
  yourself.  Once you've found it the first time, it becomes amazingly
  easy to find it and anything similar.  Your car looks really cool, but
  there's no tradein.

Taligent/Pink:
  You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful
  it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.

OS/2:
  After fueling up with 6000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive
  to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession.
  Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everybody in town.  New wheels
  will be out to correct that problem, real soon now.

S/36 SSP [mainframe, obv.]:
  You get in the car and drive to the store.  Halfway there you run out of
  gas.  While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.

OS/400:
  An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the
  store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet mignons.

OS/VS (Data General):
  You request a trip to the store, its opens a map, determines the location,
  places you in the car, but the instructions look like other operating
  systems commands.  Because you aren't familiar with AOS you tell the car
  different instructions and you end up in Southboro Mass.  Only to find out
  there is no one at DG to help you with your problem and your kids know more
  then their experts.  Then the nightmare really begins, you end up at TFS
  just in time for the Platform Committee Meeting to find out they are going
  to erase AOS/VS from the car.

VAX/VMS:
  Gets you quickly and efficiently to the store, after you spend three days
  with the manuals figuring out how to get there.

CPM:
  You get into your '58 chevy to go to the corner market for a six pack,
  but the 8" welded and chromed chain steering wheel won't boot.

PRIMOS:
  You hop on your moped to go to the grocery.  Along the way, you stop and
  pick up one fender, then another.  This gets heavy, so you replace the
  engine with a V8.  You eventually arrive at the store driving a BMW with
  a chain transmission and handlebars.

OASIS/THEOS:
  You buy a used, salvage 64 Volkswagen beetle. You put a Rolls Royce body on
  it. Then the oil companies stop selling regular.

MVS:
  You schedule to go to the store, after talks with hired drivers. Your
  instructions come back on punched cards in unreadable uppercase.  When the
  hired drivers bring you to the store, you find you must wait behind other
  customers; your purchase is completed in 3% slivers, except halfway through
  you find they cannot locate the item you wished to purchase; your contract
  is canceled (you find this out much, much later;) go to step 1.

VM/CMS:
  You indicate that you wish to go to the store; the car simulates the
  motion of its own molecules to effect this, one by one. When you arrive at
  the store, the product is also virtual - which makes it easier to transport,
  but slower, since there are that many more molecules whose motion needs
  simulating. When you get in the car to return home, the key no longer fits
  the ignition, and then you can no longer open the door to get out, either.

OS/VS1:
  You have to learn Journey Control Language (JCL), you screw up the
  Driver's Destination (DD) card, and arrive in a place you cannot recognize.
  Tough Darts. The only advantage of this system is that it's very difficult
  to locate anymore nowadays. Recall the last extant copy to be running at
  MIT Lincoln Laboratory. Bring your own 12" tapes.

Amiga: You get in the car and click the store icon.  The car goes
  nowhere, but at least the radio of the car is in perfect quadrophonic
  sound and you can play "Auto-Bingo" in 16.8 million colors.  In two
  weeks there will be a new radio which will play different songs, and use
  a different dial system so your old maps don't get you anywhere.

Atari ST: You get in your car, but people dont recognize it as a car, as
  they all thought that the maker only made go-carts, and everyone thought
  they went out of business years ago.  The new model of your car will be
  out Very Soon Now (tm) but you won't be able to buy it.

SNES: You get on a bike, and ride around your lawn.  In 34 days, a
  neighboor's lawn will be released.

Y-Cos: You try six times to get in the car.  Eventually the door
  actually opens, and you sit down and type "grep store".  This takes 6
  tries because the tty driver won't interface with the gear shift.
  Finally, you get the clutch and accelarator to sync correctly, and you
  get shot to the barber shop before it has opened for the day.  You
  realize your mistake and readjust so you wind up at the store, but by
  the time you get there your temp space has been reallocated and your car
  just drives in circles until the queue manager shoots your wheels out.

OSF/1:  You get in the car, whereupon everyone starts arguing over who
  gets to drive.  After three years of sitting around in the garage, you
  give up and start using a macintosh.

PowerOPEN: This isn't really an OS, it's a broken suspension with a slow
  engine and one of two snappy looking steering wheels - one only turns
  left, the other only turns right.  Pick any body you want.  The parts
  have been in your garage for years, but the guy who's supposed to put
  them together keeps blowing you off.

Slide rule: You walk to the store.  It may take you a bit longer, but at
  least your car won't go crashing into a tree and exploding in a
  thunderstorm.