NEW VIRUSES:

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:  Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
   software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
   mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:  Divides your hard drive into hundreds of
   little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which
   claim to be the most important part of the computer.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS:  This revolutionary virus does not horse around.  It
   warns you of impending hard disk attack---once by LAN.  Twice if by C:.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:  Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
   refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS:  Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
   how old it is.  If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first
   see a counselor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS:  Activates every component in your system, just before
   the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:  It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:  Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
   and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS:  Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
   are getting.

THE MCI VIRUS:  Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying
   too much for the AT&T virus.

TED TURNER VIRUS:  Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGGER VIRUS:  Terminates and stays resident.  It'll be
   back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:  Prevents you system from spawning and child processes
   without joining into a binary network.

GALLUP VIRUS:  Sixy percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of
   their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
   error).=<
   
ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC
  
MONICA LEWINSKY VIRUS: Sucks all the memory out of your computer 

TITANIC VIRUS: Makes your whole computer go down
   
DISNEY VIRUS: Everything in the computer goes Goofy
  
MIKE TYSON VIRUS: Quits after one byte
   
PROZAC VIRUS: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care
  
SHARON STONE VIRUS: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's
    there.

LORAINA BOBBIT VIRUS: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy

VIAGRA VIRUS: Turns your floppy into a hard drive

TIM ALLEN VIRUS: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive 
   upon contact 
  
WOODY ALLEN VIRUS: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
  
SADDAM HUSSEIN VIRUS: Won't let you into any of your programs

TONYA HARDING VIRUS: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons