MAN, I'M GLAD I'M A MAN, MAN Every single day, I give thanks to God that I was born a man instead of a broad I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV I go to a barber, not a beauty salon Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on Don't wax my legs so I can wear shorts I use my turn signal, I understand sports I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons Don't take lots of friends when I go the the john I don't buy shoes just because they're on sale and I don't throw a fit when I break a nail I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer I drink beer from a bottle and not from a glass I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass I don't spend hours getting ready for a date I don't play with dolls unless they inflate I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie These are probably the same shorts I wore yesterday Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man Tell you the reason I am, man I find Michael Bolton, completely revoltin' Man, I'm glad I'm a man....... ------------------------ Now, look at what a woman wrote in response... I'm Glad I'm A Woman I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my bed gains a notch I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I am glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad - I could sing I sure don't have body hair like shag carpeting It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back When I lean over, you can't see 3 inches of crack And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb I'll not buy a toupee to cover my dome Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two boobs and squat when I pee I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal I won't tell you my wife just does not understand stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!