The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with
the "Gummit" by labeling Black slang as a language, "Ebonics," has decided to
pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by
designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in 
all Southern schools. A speaker of this would be a Hickophone.  Here are 
excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - noun.  Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.  Remainder of greeting.  Usage: "Heidi.
Hire yew."

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."  Usage: "My
brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A state just north of Florida.  Capital is Lanner. Usage:
"My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - noun. The state just west of Jawjuh.  Capital is Berminhayum. 
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in 
improvements."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.  Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard
my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process.  Usage: "Ah thank ah'll
have a bare."

BARE - noun. An acloholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: 
"Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."  Usage: "Them 
N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.  Usage: "I thank I left
my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few 
munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.  Usage: "I sure hope my brother 
from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.  Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't
change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.  Usage: "If you don't stop reading these
Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.  Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine
from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.  Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't 
rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.  Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.  Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and
boy my arms are tarred."

FAT - noun, verb.  1. a battle or combat.  2. to engage in battle or
combat. 
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'all."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.  Usage: "We Southerners are 
willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN - adjective. Not local.  Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed
must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive.  Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).  Usage: "He
cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.  Usage: "Boy, stay away from that
bob war fence."

JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.  Usage: "Jew here that my brother
from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction.  Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert. He 
ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

SEED - verb, past tense.

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.  Usage: "I ain't never seed New
York City... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.  Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a 
favor?  Go bah me that Linnerd Skinnerd tape"

GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.  Usage: "Them gummit boys
shore are ignert."