THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, LEGALLY SPEAKING

Whereas, on or about the night before the Holiday of which one can take
judicial notice is commonly called Christmas, there did occur at a
certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter the "House") a
general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to mice.

Stockings were temporarily placed, and shall not be considered to
constitute fixtures, by and around the chimney in said House in the hope
and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus
(hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e.,  the children of the aforementioned House,
were located safely and securely in their beds and it is of course not
known for certain, but believed to a reasonable degree of certainty that
said children were dreaming of confectionery treats, including, but not
limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, which did dance, cavort
and otherwise frolic in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to
as "I"), being the joint (with rights of survivorship) owner in fee
simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter
"Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep.
(At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g.,
kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e., the
lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or
circumstance.  The party of the first part did immediately rush to a
window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.  At
that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
justifiable wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter
"the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
approximately eight (8) reindeer.  The driver of the Vehicle was
affirmatively identified as the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to
the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically indentified the
animal co-conspirators by name:  Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer").  (Upon information
and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator
named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)  The party of the first part
witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully
trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in
the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden
with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature.
Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus committed the tort
of breaking and entering through his unauthorized ingress through the
chimney of said House.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, upon which was readily observable
evidence of his breaking and entering by virtue of residue from the
chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking
what "appeared" to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of
local ordinances and health regulations.  Claus did not make any oral
statement or admission, but immediately began to fill the stocking of
the minor children, which hung, but were not permanently affixed,
adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.   (Said items
did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
applicable provisions of the US Tax Code.)  Upon completion of such
task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended
up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer
waited and/or served as "lookouts" Claus immediately departed for an
unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said
House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" or words to that
effect.